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yearning against a bare canvas
trembling pen, poised above a blank page
wrinkled pages of empty staff paper
a treble clef of desire
wrapped around fluttering expectation
of you in this moment
this instant of time against all other thought
all other pining

You are the blank canvas,
the unwritten song,
the unrealized word.

You are the virtuosity of my pen,
the talent of my brush,
the melody of my ear.

You are-

You are-

You are-

You are the truth of all things.
8-4-16
I just want to write good poetry. But I’m not sure how to improve. I feel like my vocabulary is fairly limited and overused so I’m actually looking at a thesaurus every now and then to try and spruce it up a bit. I don’t want to just vomit on a page and call it free verse poetry. I will admit, I have (and will probably in the future) write poetry like that. Largely because sometimes it just helps to get stuff out. I think I’m going to try and read this poetry text book I got for Christmas and try out some of the exercises. I picked it up a few times but it is just so dry that I have  hard time sitting through it. Maybe if I look through and find the chapters that interest me and then go on to the ones that are more difficult.  I think I’m going to try and explore different forms. Sometimes I think limiting yourself to a form, while challenging, can bring out creativity that wasn’t there otherwise. It forces you to think about the words you choose instead of just writing whatever pops into your mind. I’ll have to go through the book and see what catches my eyes.

But other than that, things have gone well. I’ve had a lot more energy lately and have been pretty motivated. I got a lot done today. I went to the store and picked up a few things and got my blood drawn at my dialysis center and even stopped and picked up a coffee for my mother. She loves starbucks. Lol.  She went to dallas on Monday and got back Wednesday. We just had a really good conversation actually. I usually have good conversation with her. I’m gld that we have the kind of relationship where I can talk to her about pretty much anything. She offers a different perspective an can bring some clarity sometimes. Of course, she is still a mother and can drive me crazy too, but I love her dearly. I’m actually quite…worried about her and dad getting older. I know it is happening.  But they won’t be around forever and that thought scares me. I love them dearly and will miss them terribly when they are gone. And then I start to think about things like going through all their belongings and papers and whatnot and it kind of freaks me out. And makes me sad. I usually have to force myself to stop thinking about stuff like that and go find them and give them a hug. I’ve got to tell them how much they mean to me. Knowing they won’t be around forever just makes it that much more important.  But I’ve got to stop talking about this. Its starting to bum me out.

Anyway, work is gong well. As well as can be expected, at least.
I’m trying to eat more protein. My albumin levels have dropped below 3.5 which isn’t good, so I’m trying to get them back up there. It is a real challenge for me. Especially since I don’t particularly like meat.  Like at all. I have to force myself to eat it most days. So I’ve been trying to guzzle liquacel and nephro protein drinks and I ordered a unflavored protein powder so I’m hoping that the unflavored powder will help. The vanilla and chocolate powders make me vomit. Its pretty gross actually. Just the artificial taste and texture gross me out. But I may not have a choice. I may just have to force myself to drink them and consequences be damned. I’m trying to drink a nephro now. Not having much luck. Drinking it slowly seems to help. It doesn’t upset my stomach so much that way. Trying to get more protein in. Eating jello made with liquacel now. Its ok. Not the best. A little on the fake tasting side of things. But hey, better than drinking neprhro.  

I have voice today and haven’t practiced at all. Lol. I can usually wing it pretty well. The only problem is the song is in german and I haven’t practiced the words at all. I’m actually having a great time. We are going through a lot of music and I feel like I am getting my voice back. I sang a cool Baroque piece the other day. It was fascinating. You don’t sing Baroque pieces the same way you sing Classical and Romantic pieces. Dynamics and totally different and the style is just completely foreign to me because all I’ve sung are Classical and Romantic pieces. Or a majority of what I’ve sung are classical and romantic pieces.  I’m thinking about taking piano lessons for a bit. I’d like that. I like voice but I did pretty well at piano when I was in college.  Of course, I don’t have a piano here. Just a crappy Walmart keyboard so that might make practicing challenging. Especially since I will probably not be doing your typical do re mi lessons. I want to learn to write music better. I have a general idea, but I’m no composer. I’d like to rectify that and get better at composing music. If for no other reason than to be able to translate a tune in my head into a working piece of music. To be fair, I can probably do that now, I’m just pretty rusty. I wonder if she would be willing to go through some theory with me? I do miss theory, actually. I could always go through things on my own, though.  I wish I had my theory note book here. I could go through that no problem.  

Maybe even update it. I can always go through IPA again. Re write that and add it to my theory note book later. I think that would be…well…maybe not fun, but informative and a good refresher course. I really should’ve used IPA a bit more in school. I took the class and that was it. Just kind of let it fall by the wayside, which is a shame. But there was just so much else to occupy my time. It would give me something to do on my days off. Something more than just sitting around wasting my day on deviant art or television. I would be enriching my self and maintaining my education. Or something like that. Like I kind of want to do it now. Lol. Makes me want to pull my theory book out and take a look at it. I may just do that before voice.

I probably need to end this here and try to practice a bit before voice. So I’ll talk to you later.
AMD
I am drawn through a vortex of endlessness
My heart bursting like a budding flower,
Deep into the embrace of your eternal eyes,
I so fall.

My extremities flailing like a spiders severed limbs,
Reaching out with my tangled senses,
Twisting sin stained fingers
Around the smoky substance that is hope,

I am drawn into a vortex of endlessness,
My heart busting like a ripe melon,
Deep into the embrace of your eternal eyes,
I so fall.
Perhaps we shall see like we saw then,
Blinded by the freedom of our own ambitions,
When the scales were removed from our eyes,
And for the first time, we saw truth and beauty,
Instead of the all consuming darkness of perpetuity.

Perhaps we shall see like we saw then,
Blinded by the light of the noon day sun,
Bloated on the beautiful ambitions of youth,
When the scales were removed from our eyes,
And for the first time, we saw each other,
Instead of the all consuming confusion of shadows.
Perhaps
Wrote this one a while ago. Not quite sure it feels finished to me. But I wanted to post it anyway.
Loading...
R e a c h i n g,
          gr o p i n g,
                    s t r e t c h i n g,
               I grasp your stone cold soul,
S l o w l y,
       I clasp
             My weary fingers around the frigid essence
          of what you are.

I feel the
        beating
           beating
              beating
                  of your core,
Your blood
R
  a
    c
        i
         n
            g
      through your veins like water,
G r
     a d u
               a l l y
hardening
your heart--
Until it is nothing more than a
solid mass
               of ice
                     and
                          rock.
And I mourn you,
Love.
I weep
           For what you have become.
8-4-16
I just want to write good poetry. But I’m not sure how to improve. I feel like my vocabulary is fairly limited and overused so I’m actually looking at a thesaurus every now and then to try and spruce it up a bit. I don’t want to just vomit on a page and call it free verse poetry. I will admit, I have (and will probably in the future) write poetry like that. Largely because sometimes it just helps to get stuff out. I think I’m going to try and read this poetry text book I got for Christmas and try out some of the exercises. I picked it up a few times but it is just so dry that I have  hard time sitting through it. Maybe if I look through and find the chapters that interest me and then go on to the ones that are more difficult.  I think I’m going to try and explore different forms. Sometimes I think limiting yourself to a form, while challenging, can bring out creativity that wasn’t there otherwise. It forces you to think about the words you choose instead of just writing whatever pops into your mind. I’ll have to go through the book and see what catches my eyes.

But other than that, things have gone well. I’ve had a lot more energy lately and have been pretty motivated. I got a lot done today. I went to the store and picked up a few things and got my blood drawn at my dialysis center and even stopped and picked up a coffee for my mother. She loves starbucks. Lol.  She went to dallas on Monday and got back Wednesday. We just had a really good conversation actually. I usually have good conversation with her. I’m gld that we have the kind of relationship where I can talk to her about pretty much anything. She offers a different perspective an can bring some clarity sometimes. Of course, she is still a mother and can drive me crazy too, but I love her dearly. I’m actually quite…worried about her and dad getting older. I know it is happening.  But they won’t be around forever and that thought scares me. I love them dearly and will miss them terribly when they are gone. And then I start to think about things like going through all their belongings and papers and whatnot and it kind of freaks me out. And makes me sad. I usually have to force myself to stop thinking about stuff like that and go find them and give them a hug. I’ve got to tell them how much they mean to me. Knowing they won’t be around forever just makes it that much more important.  But I’ve got to stop talking about this. Its starting to bum me out.

Anyway, work is gong well. As well as can be expected, at least.
I’m trying to eat more protein. My albumin levels have dropped below 3.5 which isn’t good, so I’m trying to get them back up there. It is a real challenge for me. Especially since I don’t particularly like meat.  Like at all. I have to force myself to eat it most days. So I’ve been trying to guzzle liquacel and nephro protein drinks and I ordered a unflavored protein powder so I’m hoping that the unflavored powder will help. The vanilla and chocolate powders make me vomit. Its pretty gross actually. Just the artificial taste and texture gross me out. But I may not have a choice. I may just have to force myself to drink them and consequences be damned. I’m trying to drink a nephro now. Not having much luck. Drinking it slowly seems to help. It doesn’t upset my stomach so much that way. Trying to get more protein in. Eating jello made with liquacel now. Its ok. Not the best. A little on the fake tasting side of things. But hey, better than drinking neprhro.  

I have voice today and haven’t practiced at all. Lol. I can usually wing it pretty well. The only problem is the song is in german and I haven’t practiced the words at all. I’m actually having a great time. We are going through a lot of music and I feel like I am getting my voice back. I sang a cool Baroque piece the other day. It was fascinating. You don’t sing Baroque pieces the same way you sing Classical and Romantic pieces. Dynamics and totally different and the style is just completely foreign to me because all I’ve sung are Classical and Romantic pieces. Or a majority of what I’ve sung are classical and romantic pieces.  I’m thinking about taking piano lessons for a bit. I’d like that. I like voice but I did pretty well at piano when I was in college.  Of course, I don’t have a piano here. Just a crappy Walmart keyboard so that might make practicing challenging. Especially since I will probably not be doing your typical do re mi lessons. I want to learn to write music better. I have a general idea, but I’m no composer. I’d like to rectify that and get better at composing music. If for no other reason than to be able to translate a tune in my head into a working piece of music. To be fair, I can probably do that now, I’m just pretty rusty. I wonder if she would be willing to go through some theory with me? I do miss theory, actually. I could always go through things on my own, though.  I wish I had my theory note book here. I could go through that no problem.  

Maybe even update it. I can always go through IPA again. Re write that and add it to my theory note book later. I think that would be…well…maybe not fun, but informative and a good refresher course. I really should’ve used IPA a bit more in school. I took the class and that was it. Just kind of let it fall by the wayside, which is a shame. But there was just so much else to occupy my time. It would give me something to do on my days off. Something more than just sitting around wasting my day on deviant art or television. I would be enriching my self and maintaining my education. Or something like that. Like I kind of want to do it now. Lol. Makes me want to pull my theory book out and take a look at it. I may just do that before voice.

I probably need to end this here and try to practice a bit before voice. So I’ll talk to you later.
AMD

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Angie
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
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:iconpoetrychild:
poetrychild Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for commenting on my poetry!
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016  Student Artist
Hey~~

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in listening/sharing my music?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!

-Dylan Seto
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I'd love too! :)
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016  Student Artist
Okay!

Here: soundcloud.com/dylanseto/grown…

Let me know what you think :)

And if you like it, sharing it would be cool too. ;)
Reply
:iconelextrified:
elextrified Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the fave and your insightful comment ^.^ Always appreciated ♥
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! I enjoy your work.
Reply
:iconviolet-petunia:
Violet-Petunia Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconkatban:
katban Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
you got nice work, gonna throw you a watch ;)
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconkatban:
katban Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
welkies^x^
Reply
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